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Queerer My God, to Thee: The Ex-Straight Ministries

BY SUSIE DAY | Snide Lines: | Believe it or not, heterosexuals, God loves you. And because of His love, God told us to launch a pricey advertising blitz, gently rebuking you on billboards and in newspapers across the country. Unfortunately, we could only afford to rebuke you in this crummy tabloid-type publication. But we […]

Nut-Bag Letter To Jon Stewart From The Mad Peace Activist

BY SUSIE DAY Dear Mr. Stewart, Remember your “Rally to Restore Sanity” in DC in October? I’m sorry, but my sanity remains unrestored. In fact, I’ve been feeling increasingly deranged. It’s like I’m speeding down Life’s superhighway at 666 miles per hour, headed for Nut City, where I am due to give my inaugural speech […]

The Revolution Will Not Be Workshopped

BY SUSIE DAY | Whoa! I just found out that the Left Forum – a conference attracting thousands of progressive activists and scholars – is happening this month in Manhattan. That means we pinkos and queers get one last chance to liberate society through thought-provoking workshops and panels. I sure hope the Forum’s organizers snap up my […]

Our Blob in the White House

BY  SUSIE DAY |In a move that may indicate some internal disarray within the GOP, Karl Rove, former deputy chief of staff to President George W. Bush, called a press conference today to announce a new candidate in the Republican Party’s lineup of presidential contenders. “McCain, Romney, they’re okay,” said Rove, renowned for his ingenious campaign […]

Croakin’ On Hudson

BY SUSIE DAY | Last December, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and other state officials announced that the Indian Point nuclear power plant, 35 miles north of New York City, should be shut down. They almost spoiled your Christmas. Giant blinking reindeer, strings of electric bulbs, and amplified Brenda Lee recordings could have been ripped from your […]